Social Anxiety: 10 Tricks That Will Help.

In every class, there is a kid that doesn’t say anything to anyone, and for some reason, they’ll continue that throughout the semester until they disappear with it. For what every reason that was me. I didn’t feel the need to talk, but not because I had nothing to say, I just didn’t feel comfortable saying it. We’re taught quadratic equations, yet we can’t hold a conversation for more than a minute before looking at down at our phones and ignoring The people around us. One thing that being a loner taught me is that we need each other more than we like to admit. We’re losing the ability to speak authentically about our goals and feelings, but social skills are like every other skill on the planet. We learn to crawl and it may look embarrassing at first because no one wants to see a grown person crawl; it represents the worst of us. It represents that stage of growth that looks like that unruly stage of hair growth; unkempt and downright shameful, but this too shall pass.

Embarrassment, the worst feeling failure can give us and it has prevented millions of people from having the skills/life/relationship/family/etc. they always wanted. Whether it be dancing salsa or speaking a new language, that rough stage is the hardest to overcome.

Japanese Example:

English has become the language of international business and every country in the world has enacted some sort of policy to encourage their citizens to learn. The Japanese start to learn English in elementary schools.However,  students in their last year of junior high who reached the targets (3rd-grade efficiency) were 26.1 percent for reading, 20.2 percent for listening, 43.2 percent for writing and 32.6 percent for speaking (JIJI). This is in part due to the Shame culture in Japan. The Japanese associate shame with mistakes; shame is especially harmful to those with high self-esteem like many Japanese and when the people witness these mistakes. In other words,  the pain that comes with shame is so overbearing that people would rather do nothing at all.

So what would you rather do, stay in the safe space where comfort isn’t guaranteed or risk it all?

The Problem: Self-conscious, Nerves, Uncomfortable, etc.  and the Culture!!!

The Individual:

Going into new situations would make anyone self-conscious. How do we get over it? How do we get over the debilitating feeling of nervousness that holds us back by anticipating the embarrassment before it happens? Because these nerves arise with every new experience and they remind us of past growing pains, aka “embarrassing moments”,  so with experience and skill against us, where are our allies? Because that attractive stranger doesn’t know us, and most people’s pickup game is swiping left or right.

The Culture:

• Technology= If you’re behind a screen all day, you’re not doing much “normal” interacting
• Institutional alienation=  Separation from the mean of production –> There is no passion, people are like machines and we are taught to embrace it; to expect it. Our institutions are lacking the human factor.
• The stigma behind Vulnerability = According to music and movies, strength has no place for vulnerability, but vulnerability is important when forming new relationships. We all want strength, but don’t forget that vulnerability can be a strength as well.

The Key: Attitude

**This key is being given under the assumption that the people using it don’t have poor hygiene and have a decent style….. no one likes stinky people****

Everyone is self-conscious, and in reality, not that interesting. We live on a planet with 7.5 billion self-conscious people and sometimes they are afraid to admit that its true. We know nothing of our own existence and were lost on this external ride called life; we’re not important. People are like big numbers in long-division;  it’s overbearing when we see them, but once we put it into perceptive, we can break them down into basic forms.There are some simple truths to humans; we are social creatures, we all have a desire to connect, no one person can provide it, we’re all self-conscious, we’re all scared to be vulnerable. Having an intrinsic connection between people isn’t easy, but nothing worth having is. The main obstacle is the fear of embarrassment. Let’s be honest, it takes some courage to initiate any kind of interaction with another person. Whether you’re bumming a cigarette or asking for ketchup, no one wants to look stupid or say something stupid so it easier to just ignore the opportunities. But what if you became that person that wasn’t afraid? 

These are the first steps to take to get over the hump:

1. Don’t be scared to be vulnerable
2. Be yourself
3. Have faith in other people
4. Don’t interpret rejection as a bad thing
5. Every interaction is a lesson
6. Perceive nervousness as excitement
7. Be Honest with yourself
8. Expect the worst, hope for the best
9. Be Polite
10. Smile 🙂

Life is like a song; dance to it.

 

5 Apps for solo travelers

 

The dream of solo travel is becoming more attainable with every passing year, but the time necessary to enjoy these trips are not, so let’s look into all the possible ways to hasten the awesome experiences that come with solo travel.

Technology has revolutionized the way we travel. From airline apps to offline maps, there are several applications that can help your trip run smoother with the little time you have and even make a few friends.

My personal favorites:

1.Maps.Me

Maps.Me is an offline map. The map works by people marking businesses and services that would be useful for everyday people such as banks, hotels, restaurants, and etc. Download the map of the region first to use it and depending on the amount of information on the first map a second may be needed. The user’s location is visible from the app as long as a Sim card is in the phone and a GPS function is also available. 

2.Couchsurfing 

Couchsurfing is one of the most useful apps for solo travelers that want to enjoy the company of the locals. The hardest part about solo travel is that fact you are along, but by announcing to the world of your plans this problem can be solved and this website is the perfect platform for it. Along with friendly locals, there are even event postings where people post parties and meetups. 

3. Tinder

Really? Tinder? Yes, really.  There couldn’t be a better way to plan a preëmptive strike on a city’s dating scene. While using tinder, the option to changing the desired search area is available,  and if you plan on changing cities as most backpackers do often then it isn’t a bad idea to plan for the upcoming city. You can even have a date on the same day you arrive making it that much easier to make new friends and learn about a new culture. 

4. Workaway.org

Ever what to volunteer for a school or teach a family English? Then Workaway is for you. Workaway is a website that connects travelers with people in need of more help on projects or just wants to learn a new language. It’s almost like a job search website but for volunteers. There are plenty of short-term gigs making it an alternative way to immerse yourself quicker. 

5. Facebook groups

Normally, big cities always have something going on whether it is a concert or a party, but you can usually find everything on a Facebook group. There usually are groups for people interested in meeting foreigners, and if you want, you can always make your own group.

…….So you’re a solo traveler, but don’t have the time then these apps will definitely help.

 

Progress Vs. US

What does Progress look like, or is it a blank slate of cultural destruction that disguises itself in favor of group claiming to be its advocates?

Every country wants to progress economically, but what do we lose in the pursuit of economic “stability”?

Is cooperating with the U. S essential for countries to progress?

Who/What decides the expendable aspects of our culture, and how do we justify it?

Are progressive ideas always good?

How do we keep our traditions while acknowledging their limitations?

These are the questions our leaders should be asking whenever they use the word “Progress” because we consume ourselves with its ideals that we forget about the possible side effects.

There are several historical examples of the stigmatization of traditions and cultures throughout history:

• Mao’s Cultural Revolution in China
• Stalin’s Dictatorship in Russia

These two men were in favor of Pro Communist Marxist governments; they wished to free their countries from the religious and historical shackles that restricted their country from …. progress. Their endeavors had terrible consequences for the people dimmed expendable.

• The displacement of Tibetans along with the destruction of ancient traditions.
• Mass starvation of Millions of People.

In the west, we are going through a nullification of traditions. Less and less of us are conscious of our own histories and we are absorbed into the dominant culture as if we were being abducted in order for the experiment of progress to make its way through our psychics convincing us that it’s okay to let go. To let go of the traditions that placed us here. But there are gray areas, and these examples have reasonable arguments on either side.

• The Far left Vs.Nationalist
• The United States vs. The World

 

The Far left Vs. Nationalist

In opposition to the Far left’s perception of progress is the idea of Nationalism; the two ideas lie on the ends of the social morality spectrum.The principals of nationalism are associated with the traditional values that led the country down the path of prosperity such as:

• National Pride
• Christian Faith
• Freedom of Speech
• Strength
• Capitalism
• Pro-White policies

But these “traditional” values have several connotations, and to some, these values are divisive and discriminating. And for the most recent wave of immigrants, these values do nothing but perpetuate the most horrific of traditions in the US; oppression, however, we can’t deny the power they had in shaping the country.

The United States vs. World

The United States spreads its sphere of influence by saturating the market with Western ideas of Miley Cyrus convincing the world that following our outline is the most progressive and “cool” thing to do. For many people in these developing countries these ideas are toxic, yet for some, the American values have allowed them to thrive in the global economy. These are just a few countries that have benefited economically from incorporating American culture into their own societies.

• Japan
• South Korea
• Singapore
• Costa Rica
• Panama
• Taiwan
• Israel
• Germany
• Australia
• China

However, behind all the bright lights and twerking videos lies a dark side to the United States.

• Consumerism
• Materialism
• Degradation of Sacred Values
• Nationalism
• Economic exploitation
• Racism
• Radical liberal ideals

It’s easy to define the meaning of progress when the environment favors a particular group, but for those of us that face different circumstances; progressive policies that benefit a few while harming many is regressive. Western societies are notorious for they’re secular and liberal views toward progress, but developing countries are not yet in the right position to hold these ideals.

• Developing Countries = Poverty stricken + Higher rates of Religiosity + Inefficient social services + Poor leadership + internationally exploited + Higher rates of Crime + Poor infrastructure + Less Access to Quality Education + Lack of traditional Job opportunities etc.

For nations that suffer disproportionate levels of poverty their traditional values of religion, family, community, and loyalty still hold true because they yet to reap the benefits of progress. The struggles these developing nations face are in direct opposition to liberal progressive values, yet we look down on them with condemnation. But what these countries lack in GDP they make up for in:

• Authenticity
• Family Values
• Community
• Social/Mental Health
• Appreciative Disposition

Even though we are moving away from traditional values they still exist; just not so much in the west. So as we move farther away from our roots and our desire for knowledge progresses us forward, we must recognize the values that taught us unity, expression, love, and happiness; because within them, we’ll know the way to true progress.

Our Roots are not Evil

The human experience can only be exemplified by the life of a tree. The leafs of every tree return giving rise to a new generation of life that paints the Earth with rich shades of diversity and with ever new leaf  one thing remains constant. In order for trees of all shades to thrive; we must care for and nourish their roots. It may seem difficult to perceive the challenges of the towering trees above do to the degradation of the roots below; however we can’t deny the struggles they face.

As trees have roots, so do humans and they are facing problems in the United States.  With the rise of the omnipresent reaches of social media we are aware of every corner of our Planet, yet we remain oblivious to our region of cultural heritage. Many of our ancestors immigrated to the United States. Our roots extend so much further than so many of us like to acknowledge. This alienation from our past creates a void towards the realization that we all come from the same story. Not being aware our own stories could lead us to delusions of self or an identity crisis. The material collected on our searches won’t be our catalyst toward the sky; it won’t make us rain down with green; and it won’t give us anymore importance on this world, but it will nourish our roots making our own stories richer.

The most intrinsically rewarding method of collecting this material is through visiting the country of origin of our families. For those of us coming from developing countries with tragic pasts it seems difficult to have a sense of pride if all we know of these countries is through the lens of a privileged media; hopefully with firsthand experience the true beauty of these places will reveal themselves.  While living in a postmodern world has its advantages, we feel, as people, more alienated than ever before because these postmodern means of distraction have deluded us into ignoring or even shaming our roots. Since no one else will tend to our garden, let us challenge each other to discover our own roots because man will only be content when he discovers who he is.

Not Lost But Found

Tayrona Park, Santa Marta, Colombia

As traveling becomes more commoditized, we start to forget the power that travel possesses. While in our casket of false dreams, be known as a hotel room, we watching that numbing television show that each one of us has and we lose that time we work so hard for. The forgettable moments in the sterile hotel room we book two months in advance on some soul sucking tourist trap of a beach always looking at familiar sites. The horrid wall paper with the mosaic of different ships traversing that geometrically perfect room all while that person you convinced to accompany you on your escape complains of some unforeseen natural event interrupting your wonderful hiatus. That exotic land we strived so hard to visit becomes too much like home the same place we wish to escape if not for a moment.

The most enchanting aspect of traveling is the unfamiliarity, we forget that we can never desire for more if we never allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the more, to pursue it. The “more” exist outside what we already have so the only possible way to attain that “more” is to go outside ourselves. I guess what I’m saying is why not indulge in the local pleasures that possibly hold the keys to new loves, or at least the key to a love hotel.

Imagine living a life of surprises at every corner and new friends that don’t possess that cold and ruthless roasting ability that comes with years of friendship, for us more naturally introverted individuals it seems like lights years away but it’s possible. As we grew and became the people we are today we regularly perceived the world through child-like eyes, but this is the closest attitude to possess if we desire to live in a somewhat mystical world, that world that we thought was pure and benevolent as children. As a conscious species, we will forever be forced to question the spectrum of reality we live on and as we grow cultural norms become emblazoned in our minds making us feel in some way coldly robotic toward the world. Travel gives us the opportunity to step outside ourselves and experience an authentically different version of reality, it’s strange at first but with time it starts to become the realest endeavor.